Social suicide Part 1

The facebook etiquette rules seem to have gone down quite controversially, sorry to all you LOL lovers and application addicts, no harm intended. Looking at the positive though, I have seen a vast improvement in the calibre of peoples' statuses since it went up and people have stopped sending me such a large number of applications. I've decided to attribute all credit directly towards my blog. Which got me to thinking, if my wordly wisdom could help people improve their facebook behaviour, imagine what it could do for people in real life!
So here's my compilation of rules for students who don't want to commit social suicide in every day life. I know most of the things to avoid as at some point on my twenty years on this earth I've committed most of them myself. Read without prejudice.

Rule one:
Double denim. Unless you are in a B*witched tribute band (in which case, social suicide is clearly no longer an issue with you) double denim is the social eqivalent of throwing yourself on top of helicopter propellers. This happens more than you'd think. The double denim that is, not the helicopter suicide, that hardly ever happens.
If you are the unfortunate owner of a denim jacket, make sure you either avoid jeans when throwing your outfit together or make sure you don't leave the house.
This is not, I repeat not one of the rules which I have flouted in the past. I have some respect.

Rule Two:
A common one. As a student you will most likely have an overdraft. If you do, and your balance is at £2.43 - you are not skint. You have hundreds of pounds in your overdraft. People who don't consider an overdraft money have a very special name. And that name is 'twat'.
The word 'skint' is reserved for those of us who are at the very bottom of our overdraft, and whose balance hasn't been positive since the days when Britney was still claiming to be a virgin.

Rule Three:
If you do drugs, or have tried drugs, don't think you are cool for doing it. We've all had our dabbles but it doesn't make you Amy Winehouse or Pete Doherty. There is a certain type of person who does think they are cool for doing drugs. They usually refer to themselves as being into 'indie' music and attend Fuzz club. They get excited when they know of other people who've done drugs and then want to discuss it in great length. Cooler drug users I know are the ones who don't think its cool, they just enjoy it. They usually appreciate good cheesy music and go to Plug on a Thursday.

Rule Four:
Nobody will agree with me on this one so it shouldn't really be included, as technically its me who's committing social suicide by refusing to conform. But in my mind, watching Hollyoaks makes you an immature moron, and anyone who does so should cease immediatley. If you're going to cast actors purely based on looks and not talent, surely you can find people better looking than that lot? With acting more wooden than Pinocchio's erection and plots so implausible even Cheryl Cole wouldn't believe them (and this is the woman who believe's her husband when he says he won't cheat again), it is hands down, the worst thing on TV.

Rule Five:
I touched on this in the facebook rules but it applies to every day life too. Nobody cares how many essays you've got in. Nobody cares how many words you've done. Nobody cares how much you think you're going to fail the year. Stop talking about it, or essays will be your second biggest problem, your first will be having no friends.

This is merely part one of the rules, as there are too many for me to possibly cover in one night. If you are a regular breaker of any of them, it's quite important that you make a valiant effort to change the habit whilst there's still time. You don't want social suicide ruining the best years of your life.
God may forgive you, but I won't.