The Brits.

I often find it's not until award season rolls around that you realise what a shit year its been. The Brits tonight confirmed for me that 2007 was pretty poor, particularily for true lovers of pop like me.
However, there were many valuable lessons to be learnt from the Brits in spite of this.
Firstly, that Vic Reeves stopped being funny in the 90s and shouldn't be allowed on TV, apart from on UK Gold for occassional repeats of Shooting Stars.
Secondly, as new starlet Adele undeniably proved, black isn't always slimming. And neither is standing in between Fearn Cotten and Mika. Just a tip.
One highlight though was the sensational return of Amy Winehouse and her sobriety. My friend Katie was sure that Amy's performance looked like that of a woman who was still using, due to her jittery movements and the fact she was shakey on her legs. I though, ever the first to hope for the best in folk, put it down to her trying to stand on those big ol' heels whilst also balancing that beast of a beehive.
Even a big Winehouse fan like me though can find it hard to forgive the fact she played her part in inflicting Mark Ronson on our radios. A man who's accent is almost as baffling as the fact that people actually buy "his" records. I'm very tempted to make an attempt for recognition myself following his steps:
Get a cheap recording system, invite the first woman with any sign of talent to warble a song by some dull band from whichever record is currently being called 'the best album since Definatley Maybe', add horns, and see if its me standing on the stage next year accepting 'my' Brit. Watch this space.
Another few frustrations:
Why are Take That winning awards and getting nominations for a song and an album that were released before last years Brits? Was 2007 that rubbish that we've had to recycle boy band excrement from the year before? And when Take That are 50 year old wrinklies shuffling about on stage to 'Relight my fire' will unimaginative ITV1 presenters still be calling them the 'comeback kings'? Yes they're back, get over it. My ears have had to. Leona should have got best single over them. Her performance of 'Bleeding Love' was sensational. Bet last years X factor winner was sitting at home watching and crapping himself. His name was Leon by the way, for those who've already forgotten.
More outrageous still was the absence of Britney in tonights nominations. I grudgingly accept as a hardcore Britney fan that there are some places Britney shouldn't be. Within 100ft of a nursery for example. However the Brits should have aknowledged the fact that in spite of sex, drugs and Kevin Federline she still managed to make the best pop album of 2007 by far.
Yet the ceremony has its head so far up Kylie's pert little arse it was almost poking out of her botox filled face. I didn't realise they gave out Brits for beating breast cancer. Yes, we all love Kylie, but awards should be reserved for people making good music, not people who just spend all day copying Madonna and reassuring their little sister that she'll "make it one day". Give it up Danni, shagging Simon Cowell isn't a music career.
I'll try and look at positives for our most prestigious music ceremony though. I liked the choice of hosts, the Osbournes are always fun. For once though, Ozzy was the most coherent, as Sharon and Kelly seemed to get on as well with the autocue as Beth Ditto gets on with the Atkins Diet. Loved Sharon proudly claiming that Bingo adds paid for her dress. God knows what paid for her cosmetic surgery. A big lottery win? I can only assume.
Am glad Kate Nash won something as well. I'd say 'Foundations' was the British track of the year and the album's amazing. Hope none of the other nominees in the best Female category were too bit-tah about the fact that The Brits at least decided one worthy winner would be quite appropriate.
Ok, being positive didn't last, how boring are the Kaiser Chiefs? Recreating the video for 'Ruby' just reminds us of what a pointless act they are. Would rather that slot had been filled with a few more of Vic Reeve's 'jokes', at least it would have given the tumbleweed something to do.
The Foo Fighters albums are also getting steadily worse so God knows why praise for them continues to grow. Recognition from The Brits is slightly like the hosts with their lines, trying to keep up but always that bit behind.
Can't really argue with the continued success of the Artcic Monkeys at these bashes, and wouldn't really want to argue with them after the ammount of free booze they seemed to have necked judging by their speeches. Don't reckon they'll be looking too good on the dancefloor tonight. I like the thought of Alexa Chung holding back Alex Turners hair at the end of the night though as he voms up the nights champagne. Such a cool couple. Like Pete and Kate but without the drugs. So far. With Ozzy and Winehouse backstage who knows who'll be gracing the front page of tomorrow's Sun with the headline '******'s DRUGS SHAME. My money's on Mark Owen. It's always the quiet ones.
Hopes for 2008's Brits:
Britney performs a beautiful ballad in rememberance of the 'tragic' death of The Kaisers. Possibly after being crushed by Ricky Wilson's enormous ego.
Someone wins best single for covering one of Mark Ronson's songs and coughing at the end of it to mark a difference.
Madonna performs, bringing one of her best iconic costumes out from the closet in honour. And pulls Mika out too whilst she's there.
Paul McCartney has to get the bus to next years ceremony due to having his bank balance wiped out by Heather Mills, then sells his Special Achievement gong to Robbie Williams to afford bar snacks whilst there. Robbie's only too happy to chip up the cash as lets face it, after Rudebox, thats the closest he's gonna get to that award.
Failing all that, if 2008's music scene is anything like last years, I can always switch off next year, pop on UK Gold and chuckle along to Vic Reeves back before he became a mortifying mess.